Sloppy ballet escapades notwithstanding, President Laura Rosenbury is fearlessly taking on another Barnard class: First Year Writing. Spotted by several eagle-eyed students, she was noticed sneaking into Finding Your Voice: Opinion Writing 101.
“Her writing is so ASS, like actually so unbearable,” Sara (BC ’29) told The Fed. “We all know it’s her; the ugly hat and sunglasses aren’t fooling anybody, especially with that glaringly bright blue blazer.”
Other students chimed in: “It’s obvious she doesn’t use ChatGPT because even an AI bot couldn’t write anything that cliche and terrible. The only sources she pulls from are her previous essays, which are also bad. It’s like an ouroboros of shitty metaphors and logical fallacies.”
Her presence isn’t just noticed by students, either. Professor Ima Riter quickly noticed a severe gap in persuasive abilities between Rosenbury and the students. “Usually, with the first-years I get in this course, they come in with weak to moderate writing skills from high school, and are able to quickly improve their work and show real growth, even in the first week. That weird lady with the fuckass bob who sits in the back has been consistently finding new ways to trip over her pencil, her computer, and even others’ advice.”
Well, there you have it, folks! It seems there’s one area students can finally find consensus on: if they can’t get a leader with a moral compass, they’d at least like one that can write an essay.
