HEY! Hey, you there! Don’t flip to the next page, WAIT!
I’m Little Gregory, and I’m stuck inside The Fed’s printing press. I know, I know, from the rest of the paper, you might think this article is just another joke. But I’m really not kidding, I can’t get out of this machinery!
You might wonder how I’m writing to you. Well, look – they don’t call me Little Gregory for nothing. I’m 1’5”, and each of my hands is about the size of a little baby fork. My legs are jammed in between some wires, but I managed to free my arms and use my teensy itsy-bitsy hands to move a couple of those little letters around to write this message. I’m sorry to the original writer whose article was supposed to go here; I thought your article about how the Hamilton elevator is slow was really funny (ugh, it was hard to lug that semicolon over here). Believe me, in ordinary circumstances I wouldn’t write over it, but I’m really in a bind here!
Look, it’s an awkward situation for me too, ok? But I need to get out of here, I’m already running super late for my Connect Conversation with my RA, and I really don’t want to face his wrath! If you could just email owg2102@columbia.edu and give him the rundown of the whole situation (in detail) and any tips you have for how to get me unstuck, that would be super helpful.
