Various reputable news sources have reported that Acting University President Claire Shipman is engaged to former soccer player Kati Jo Spisak. Yes, they are both women. Yes, we are also surprised. But, like, yay lesbians, right?
Wrong. We at The Federalist find it a little too convenient that Shipman’s queer relationship is being reported on so soon before the 116th Initiative’s much-awaited Performative Masc Lesbian Contest. After all, everyone knows that the woke liberal mutual aid supporters on our campus tend to be some of Shipman’s most vocal critics. Could this (lowkey problematic age gap) lesbian engagement be a strategy to infiltrate Columbia’s most progressive student communities?
We’re not sure, but boy, are we going to get to the bottom of it.
