In a newly published research brief, Columbia University Republicans claim that Ronald Reagan’s trickle-down economics works, and their findings are certainly food for thought. The brief contains empirical research that analyzes meal swipe usage trends among students at the end of the semester. The brief’s head writer, Sil Verspoon, spoke to The Fed about his inspiration for using our very own campus as a case study.
“As we enter the last couple of weeks of the spring semester, we can observe wealth inequality—in the form of Columbia Dining meal swipes—among students. There are the rich, such as freshmen who were forced to buy the unlimited plan and seniors who were too stressed about their theses to eat, with upwards of 50 swipes left for just a handful of days. Then, there are the poor, the impoverished saps who have spent too many swipes on Diana smoothies and can barely afford one meal a day. The gap between the rich and the poor becomes unavoidable during Reading Week, and during this time, an interesting phenomenon occurs that closely resembles trickle-down economics.
“A quasi-market forms between the rich and the poor as the former swim in excess resources and the latter struggle to stay afloat. The rich generously swipe others in, opening the gates of JJ’s, Chef Mikes, and Ferris to the hungry masses. This groundbreaking research will vindicate the great Ronald Reagan and his economic policies, which have been bastardized by snowflake liberals.”
When asked about Barnard’s “Swipe it Forward” program at Hewitt, Verspoon had some strong words. “That swipe donation nonsense is full-blown communism,” he griped. “If it were up to me, I’d launch an investigation into that entire socialist sisterhood. I can’t believe they’re just handing out swipes, when people like me work day and night to make sure we can afford rent in the building our parents own!” Verspoon went on to call for a complete dissolution of ties with the separate “communist” Barnard dining system, shouting, “Ms. Rosenbury, tear down this wall!”
