Report: You Are in the Top 1% of Spotify Listeners With Absolutely Trash Taste

Hi! It’s your Spotify Wrapped here! I just wanted to let you know that you (yes, you!) have the worst music taste out of pretty much every person who uses this app. In fact, everyone who works in Spotify Inc. took a vote, and they all agreed your playlists are consistently comprised of the most cringe and garbage music on our platform. Forget Berkeley and Burlington! We can’t even tell you what city listened to music “just like you,” because when we informed the civilians of the town you matched with, they held a city-wide shut-down protesting any association with you. For someone who listened to 50,452 minutes of music, you sure couldn’t find anything good, huh? In fact, we are awarding you an official “Don’t Pass Me The Aux” Award, because the songs you like should never be Bluetoothed to anything but your earbuds. And even that’s a stretch. Congratulations! Have fun posting this to your Instagram story!

P.S. What the fuck was wrong with you in May? Like, seriously. Ew.