Opinion: Why My Blue Man Group Knockoff Band Should Headline Bacchanal

Graphic by Olivia Ruble

So, the Battle of the Bands happened last Thursday. The student body chose one of Columbus’s most talented musicians to open for what we all know will be some D-list celebrity. I would have been there too, had the Bacchanal organizing committee not said my act was “not so much music, but one guy with a fake moustache weirdly staring at the audience while eating an unpeeled carrot.”

But let me ask you this: do you really want another ~mainstream~ headliner for Bacchanal this year? Columbia (I spelled it right that time), consider something a little more unique. My “band” (as you non-audiophiles would call it), Two Man Group (ironically named as it’s just one person), produces performance art which challenges the idea of what “music” is. Though our (my) act does feature a triangle and snare drum (played with a clown show), its real power comes from its use of voiceover and projections to ask the audience to reexamine its idea of what ~music~ really is. If the Music Hum curriculum won’t do it, I will.

So I challenge the Bacchanal organizing committee and the community as a whole to take a stance: we do not, in fact, want Taylor Swift, who some claim is in talks to perform, but a true ARTIST who we will all remember for years to come.