Dear Class of 2027, Welcome to Barnard! Here’s Your Fed-Official Pre-NSOP Checklist. 

December 14: Put Barnard in your bio. Alternate between “Barnard ♔ Columbia 2027,” “Barnard ’27 💙,” “@barnardcollege,” and “barnard” for the next twelve to fourteen months until you forget it’s there in the first place. 

Also December 14: Buy a sweatshirt from The Barnard Store. Wonder why there is literally only one design and why it only comes in two colors. Debate buying something from the Columbia student store instead. Decide against it. Buy the Barnard Hoodie in Navy Blue. And the Maptote Market Tote, obviously. 

December 15: Attempt to find better Barnard merch. Scour Etsy, Ebay, Depop. Find a pair of sweatpants you saw on The Barnard Store site yesterday with an upcharge of $30 (plus shipping). Find a knitted sweater with a light blue B that looks perfect and just niche enough to work, but which has been out of stock since March of 2020. Give up for now. Decide to worry about this in April. 

December 16: Buy a pair of doc martens. Specifically the chelsea boots with yellow piping or the mary janes, also with yellow piping. If you already have a pair of doc Martens, buy a pair of blundstones, specifically in brown or dark green. 

December 20–January 1: Spend the holiday season (im)patiently explaining to your extended family members and friends that no, you are not going to Bard College and yes, Barnard is an actual school in the city of Manhattan. Defend the backdoor-to-Columbia allegations like your life depends on it. 

January–March: Look through the Barnard Class of 2027 instagram page. Comment on exactly 5 posts, have 3 awkwardly paced conversations via dm, and consider submitting a selection of images from your last three summer photo dumps and a caption that you’ve been editing in your notes app for the past two weeks. Decide against it. 

March 31: Watch the RD posts on the Barnard Class of 2027 instagram page roll in. Realize you need to start thinking about a roommate. Submit your photo dump medley and perfectly engineered notes app caption. Have 5 more awkwardly paced conversations via dm. 

April: Time to attempt to find better Barnard merch again. Fail miserably. Decide to buy a fair isle sweater off Depop instead. 

May: Graduate high school! Yay!

June–August: Buy an absurd amount of clothes, mugs, and school supplies in various shades of navy blue. I’m talking about a truly unimaginable amount of navy blue items. More navy blue items than you ever thought possible.