Columbia Students Playing Wordle Not Sure Why Parents’ Sizable Donations Not Enough to Gain Competitive Advantage

Graphic by Danielle Odigie

NEW YORK – Wordle has taken social media by storm, and Columbia is no exception. Students in Zoom classes have flocked to the popular word puzzle game to kill time and find an outlet for their desperate need to affirm their intellectual superiority.

Some Columbia students have reportedly been frustrated by the game’s peculiar design, which doesn’t advantage them despite their parents’ sizable donations to institutions of higher education. “My parents worked their way to the top, I don’t get why I have to suffer!”, said a fourth-generation member of a wealthy New England family who couldn’t solve “query” in six guesses.
“After all we’ve done for Wordle, we expect some sort of tangible advantage for our children,” wrote one Columbia junior’s parents in a strongly worded email. Wordle did not respond to the Federalists request for comment, other than writing, “Get a life, this is such a sad headline to make up.”