As COVID-19 proliferates across Broadway, Columbia’s abject refusal to test its symptomatic students coincided with the erection of the Barnard sukkah on Sunday, September 19th. The sukkah’s aesthetic peculiarities raised a number of questions and throughout the day, students unfamiliar with Sukkot tried to ascertain the purpose of this new construction. “Perhaps it’s a remote testing site?” some queried as they passed through the Quad.
Come evening, symptomatic Columbia students — forsaken by their administration and desperate for testing — lined up along the Sulzberger Annex, clinging to hope that the sukkah was indeed an underground testing operation. “Maybe Dean Grinage finally took matters into her own hands,” the entirety of EC choked out between their coughs.
As it’s Jewish tradition to spend meals and nights in the sukkah throughout this 8-day holiday, all symptomatic students are invited to join Prezbo for a special night of “Superspreading Under the Tzach.”