Clery Crime Alert: Barnard Lesbian Doesn’t Use Canvas Bag!

Morningside Heights: On Monday, March 10, 2021, at about 11:35 am, a Barnard Lesbian exiting the 114th Street Starbucks appeared to be using a Kanken backpack instead of a canvas tote. The suspect continued strolling north on Broadway, suspiciously confident. Resident Girl in Red fan reports, “At first I thought my gaydar might be off and she was actually just straight, but then I saw her Chai Iced Latte. I mean, no straight woman EVER orders a Chai Iced Latte. But then again, what thumb ring-wearing, hair-gelled lesbian in her right mind wouldn’t use an eco-friendly yet fashionable canvas tote?” If you have any information about this crime, or can identify the person shown below, please contact the NYPD 33 Pct. Detective Squad at (212) 927-3780 or CUIMC Investigations at (212) 305-3493. 

Please note: Clery Crime Alerts are distributed pursuant to Federal Law for specific crimes in defined locations. They do not present, nor are they intended to present, a complete picture of the crime on campus. 

Deidre Fuchs

Executive Director of Investigations

212 854-2054

March 10, 2021

Adam Tegan


212 305-3493

Case # 2021-66699