Girl Who Hasn’t Left Dorm in Four Days Wonders if Columbia Confessions Post About a “Beautiful Stranger on Low” Was About Her

Artwork by Mel Wang
NEW YORK—Delaney White, CC ’24, has not left her Furnald single in four days, nor has she changed out of the same Rolling Stones tshirt. But that hasn’t dissuaded her from thinking a certain Columbia Confessions post was about her.“Sure, the post described ‘a tall, beautiful blonde,’ but from a distance my neon pink hair could appear a bit flaxen,” White reasoned. As of press time, she is also worried that Confessions post describing “toxic friends” is about her, even though she has yet to make any friends at Columbia.