On Sunday night, the New York Times published more than two decades worth of Donald Trump’s tax returns, revealing that the president has paid as little as $750 in income tax in some years. When the news broke, PrezBo was on the fourth floor of his 116th street mansion, unpacking a suitcase full of items he brought with him to his summer home during quarantine. According to several anonymous sources (bored students in Wien Hall who were looking through the mansion’s window) the second the tax return story broke, PrezBo dashed to his computer, connected to his gigabit ethernet, and began to furiously read the report.
When confronted about this strange behavior, PrezBo told the Fed: “I was eager to find out how Trump managed to pay only $750 in taxes in 2016. I’m still paying closer to $1,000 in income tax — I had to learn his secrets!” PrezBo elaborated “Times are tough and every single dollar of my $3.93 million salary counts.”
Several sources told the Fed that PrezBo is considering turning the South Lawn into a golf course and then deducting the losses from that business venture from his income tax. He may also convert John Jay into a luxury hotel and start his own line of Ferris Booth steaks.