Confused SEAS kid emerges from his Furnald room for the first time since March: ‘Where is everyone?’

Artwork by Mai Morsy

FURNALD, FIFTH FLOOR — Emerging from his six-month-long hibernation, Kelvin Thompson, SEAS’23, was surprised not to see anyone in the lounge when he left his Furnald single on Monday. “We are a pretty social dorm,” Kelvin bragged bashfully, “Before I went into hibernation, we organised a floor outing to see the Battle of the Bands in Lerner Party Space— our usual spot— and even stayed there until past 10pm to see the main act. Yeah, jolly good time that was. We do enjoy ‘rocking out’ every now and then so I was shocked not to see Tommy from chess club or Sammy from Spec in the lounge— our other usual spot. I guess they are still in hibernation. I might wake up my Jennifer Lawrence doll so I am not completely alone here.”

When asked if he had noticed any changes since he withdrew from society six months ago, Kelvin responded, “No, I don’t think so. Definitely not any significant ones. Sadly, police are still shooting unarmed black men in the streets. There are wildfires raging all over the world. Trump is asking Russia to help him win the election. Girls still keep six feet away from me and sanitize their hands after being in the same room as me. Not a lot has changed. I do see a lot more people wearing masks though— I guess air pollution in NYC has gotten worse since March.”

When asked if he knew what Zoom, being furloughed, or social distancing meant, Kelvin said, “Zoom Video Communications, Inc. is an American communications technology company that provides video-telephony and online chat services through a cloud-based peer-to-peer software platform— I engineered it myself. As for being furloughed or social distancing, I don’t know what they mean but I can tell you about my new Dungeons & Dragons characters. Have you got a spare three hours?”