International Students Prepare for Another 9 Months of Clubbing


LAVO – In the days leading up to the beginning of Fall semester, undergraduates from Columbia’s International student population announced they are ready for another 9 months of clubbing, a Federalist reporter confirmed earlier this week.

The report comes as a surprise after student representatives from Berlin, Milan, and London said they had already spent the summer getting obliterated on various European islands. Nevertheless, devoted to maintaining their lifestyles, students have been tirelessly shopping for Stan Smiths and white button-down shirts, stockpiling loose-leaf tobacco, and direct messaging promoters.

“Getting ready for the grind of the school year can be difficult,” said Marco D’Ambrosio CC ’20, “especially when summers are hectic too. But going to school in Manhattan guarantees a jam-packed schedule of posing for group pictures, spending $300 on bottle service, and Juuling on the Le Bain terrace.”

Many international students report clubbing brings unity and belonging to an otherwise daunting collegiate experience.

“It’s scary to be studying in a totally new environment,” said Filipa Ullman SEAS ’19, “so knowing you’ll be returning to a friend group where everyone is equally wealthy and nicotine-addicted always makes the transition easier. With all that the city has to offer — loud music, sweaty dimly-lit rooms, and black leather jackets, international students can feel just as welcome here as they would in their home countries.”