College Freshman Mistakes Audrey Hepburn Poster for a Personality


JOHN JAY– After months of planning, Megan Keller CC ‘22 arrived in her freshman dorm ready to decorate. Keller, a self-described “old soul” and “free thinker,” struggled to find the objects to convey her unique tastes to the world. Finally, she settled on the perfect quirky accessories– Urban Outfitters throw pillows, some succulents she’ll kill in three weeks, and a framed poster of Audrey Hepburn.

When asked how how she developed an interest in Hepburn, Keller giggled. “I know it’s totally quirky to like a film star from the fifties, but Audrey is just such a fashion icon. Have you seen Breakfast at Tiffany’s? It’s my favorite movie.”

Keller then proceeded to discuss the entire plot of the film, but confused significant portions of the plot for that of The Breakfast Club. She also relayed some of her other idiosyncratic interests, which include drinking iced coffee, collecting Chanel bags, and going to Paris with “the girls”.

Though Keller’s friends often point out that Audrey Hepburn is one of the most famous movie stars of all time, she remains unconvinced.  “Look, I think it’s great that my conversation piece is teaching more people about Audrey. She was an incredible actress and humanitarian, and it’s a shame so few people know of her legacy.”

After she ran out of Hepburn-themed anecdotes to share, Keller visited her hookup buddy, Jack Ashton CC ‘22, in his Carman double. Ashton, a budding Soundcloud producer who plans on rushing Sig Ep, has a significantly barer room than Keller. His only decoration is a Pulp Fiction poster, which he mounted with painter’s tape above his mini-fridge.

When asked about the piece, Ashton replied, “Tarantino’s a genius, man. Totally underrated.”