Columbia Varsity Shuffleboard Team Defeats Local Retirement Home

THREE OAKS RETIREMENT HOME – Making a partial comeback from its long losing streak, Columbia Shuffleboard triumphed for the second time this season in a matchup against the Three Oaks Tigers.  “We’re really making big strides,” said James Morales, who was hired as the new head coach in a restructuring of the team last year.  “It will be a long process before we turn around our troubled history, but we’ve certainly made strong headway.”

After losing three of its spryest players to injuries, Three Oaks Retirement Home threw in the towel shortly after halftime.  The retirement home was forced to forfeit the game around 4:15 when its remaining players left to eat dinner. “This really shows the stamina we’ve built as a team,” Morales boasted at a subsequent press conference.  “I’m proud to say that over a third of our players are going straight into professional retirement after graduation.”