Columbia’s Only Newspaper That Stole Your Airpods
Volume XXXIX • Issue 1 • October 2021
From the issue:
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Trespasser Flees Site After Confrontation With New Barnard ‘Alpha’ Security Chief
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Help! Barnard Sophomore Remembers that Misogynistic Women Still Real
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Uris Pool Closure: 12/7
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Clery Crime Alert: Attempted Breaking and Entering
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A Corporate Job Announcement Template, For Your Consideration
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Columbia Freshmen Construct Trojan Horse Outside Broadway Gates
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Uris Pool Converted to Indoor Skating Rink for the Winter
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Columbia Sweatshirt Store to Continue Selling Books
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Fed Contracts: How to Be Friends with Your Ex
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The Boy Who Cried Wolf: Number of Students Who Leave Building During Fourth False Fire Alarm in the Past Week Down by 90%
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CANCELED: Snowman Deemed ‘Too Cis’
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Report: Research for Five-Leg Korean Baseball Parlay the Most That Man Has Studied This Year
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Investment Banks Begin Application Cycle for Graduating Class of 2046
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Awkward! Columbia Limit of Two Overnight Guests Forces Third Wise Man to Wait in EC Lobby
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Public Safety Warns About the Dangers of ‘ICE ON MORNINGSIDE CAMPUS’
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Night at the Milstein
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Fedvestigation: Lerner Revolving Door Brings Out the Worst in Humanity
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Philadelphian Columbia Student Decries “Lack Of Football Culture”
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A Warm Welcome: Columbia Rebrands Campus Security as Greeting Committee
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Joe Coffee to Offer New Milk Varieties For Their Winter Menu
