October 2021 | The Columbia Federalist

Columbia’s Only Newspaper That Stole Your Airpods

Volume XXXIX • Issue 1 • October 2021

From the issue:

  • CU Republicans Cite End-of-Semester Meal Swipe Distribution as Successful Example of Trickle-Down Economics

  • CONGRATULATIONS AND CONDOLENCES: This Woman Has Post-Grad Plans (Unfortunately, It’s Grad School)

  • Help! I’m Stuck in a Time Loop Where the Columbia Administration Keeps Fucking Up in the Exact Same Way Every Time

  • Import Tariff? This Senior Just Performed a Stopgap Measure by Clearing Out JJ’s Pick-4

  • Report: 100 Percent of Incoming Class of 2029 Can’t Use Chopsticks and Would Like a Fork Please

  • Ask and You Shall Receive: Administration Responds to Admitted Student Concerns

  • He’s Just like Me Fr; Trump Declares End of War on Shower Pressure

  • r/AITA: AITA for getting back at the roommate I’ve hated all year??

  • Ferris Booth Commons Vegan Chorizo, A Love Poem from a Struggling Vegetarian

  • New Executive Orders We’d Like To See From President Trump

  • CC Student Follows Barnard on LinkedIn, Deemed Women’s College-Wide Hero

  • New Free Summer Housing Option Opens: Butler Library!

  • New Report Finds That This Will Only Get Worse

  • Columbia Announces Plans to Resurrect Alexander Hamilton

  • Flight Delay Quickly Rectified After Passenger Helpfully Takes Out Anger On Gate Attendant

  • Which Post-grad Fate Came First, Unhoused or Unemployed?

  • Op-Ed: Why I Decided to Let ChatGPT Write My Final Fed Article

  • Barnard Imposes 104% Tariffs on Columbia Dining Swipes

  • Am I crazy, or do I have the freakiest position on this paper?

  • Columbia Speaks Out In Support of Chappell Roan, Saying Stars Shouldn’t Have To Engage With Political Issues, and Neither Should Universities