NYC Faces City-Wide Shortage of Barefoot Moscato due to Unprecedented Spike in Friendsgiving Parties

Cheap wine-lovers, we’ve got bad news for you! Barefoot Moscato, the fake wine snob’s favorite wine, is sold out across New York City. Beverage Economists are tracing this scandal to the city’s significant increase in Friendsgiving parties this year compared to 2022, resulting in mass consumption of Barefoot Moscato by underaged and overzealous college students. 

Friendsgiving seems to have taken Columbia University by storm: it seems like every dimly-lit apartment between 105th and 120th hosted between ten to fifteen guests, a spread of mediocre family-sized dishes, and, you guessed it, migraine-inducing wine. 

It’s no secret that Columbia students are pretentious: they’d rather sit and drink wine while discussing philosophy buzzwords instead of drinking a beer, saying slurs, and stripping half-naked like normal college students. While city officials are aware of the growing trend of NYC college students to act like old, white men with their butts hanging out of their togas, they failed to predict the impact it would have on the beverage economy. 

Barefoot Moscato is sold out across the city, and the end is nigh. If supply hasn’t returned to normal levels by the time holiday parties roll around, campus may see the downfall of the modern “old-money-aesthetic” yet “financially-independent” Columbia student. So sad!