In a bombshell statement put out last Thursday, the architect of Lerner Hall, Dr. Justin Sane, showed complete disdain for the building’s appearance and sympathized with student criticisms.
“We all had a few too many mimosas and I suggested it as a joke. I never thought they’d follow through with it,” the architect said in his statement to Spec.
Reception in light of this event has been impressively united with Dr. Sane. For over 20 years now, students have always joked that Lerner was designed by an astronaut who forgot how gravity worked or by a donut that wanted to watch students suffer. It turns out that it was just made by a group of drunk white men.
“Surprising,” said no one.
When asked about the origins of the layout, Dr. Sane said, “we were imagining Kafka-meets-Giovanni-Piranesi, and this is exactly what we thought matched the pitch.” Dr. Sane proceeded to begin sobbing and begging various gods for forgiveness.
Pressure has naturally mounted on Prezbo and the university’s administration for the misattribution of who designed Lerner and the growing hate against the building. As recompense to the students, they have announced that Ferris Booth Commons will have a “Level Day” where the dining hall will be tilted to match the angle of the ramps. Jello will replace all desserts. The event will be held at some point during final exams.
