Columbia Introduces New “Cardio For Smokers” Physical Education Offering


DODGE FITNESS CENTER—Columbia’s Department of Physical Education has unveiled several new physical education courses this semester. In a late August email blast from Department Affiliate Sarah M. Negrette, it was announced that the University is trying to be more accommodating of student needs vis-à-vis the physical education requirement.

“We are excited to be offering students new courses that we are pioneering to better relate to the rest of the academic experience here. We recognize that most people only take the classes to fulfill the requirement, so we’ve decided to meet them halfway with some classes that relate to their everyday lives, like Physical Ed: Sleeping In. We know students are already staying up all night at Amity Hall every Wednesday and then sleeping through three classes the next day, so we might as well give them credit for it.”

Mrs. Negrette’s email outlined several other of these “experimental” courses, which students were able to switch into starting last week.

  • Physical Ed: Cardio for Smokers

    • Class will meet twice a week outside Butler to walk slowly to Riverside

  • Physical Ed: Mozzarella Sticks

    • NOTE: Students on waitlist will not receive marinara at first class

  • Physical Ed: Car Wash

    • Section 1: Washing Dean Valentini’s BMW

    • Section 2: Washing President Bollinger’s Audi

    • Counts as work study for students who qualify

  • Physical Ed: Seminar in Kegels

  • Physical Ed: Reducing Adderall Tweak

  • Physical Ed: Nutrition and Weight Loss: Cold Brew as Laxative

    • Requires doctor’s clearance note

  • Physical Ed: Take a class on Hamilton 6

  • Physical Ed: Where’s the Gym??

    • This course will meet once the entire semester. We will show you where the gym is.

      • Waitlist MUST attend first class

The Department also said they would be open to replacing the Swim Test requirement with proof of having attended a single Columbia football game.