TRUMP TOWER – Yesterday, the President-elect of the United States took time out of his busy day of angrily tweeting in Trump Tower to release a video announcing his historic plan to name a Chief of Minority Outreach.
In the announcement, surrounded by his team of esteemed political advisors, Trump acknowledged his lack of popularity with minorities, explaining that the new position is designed to broaden his appeal and that it would be “good, so good, so good.” In delineating the requirements for the office, Trump stated that the position would be “largely consultative” and would involve “serving as a direct liaison between the Office of the President and the, uh, blacks and such.”
Trump, after emphasizing the amount of thought and steak dinners that went into his decision (“We’ve been seeing great talent”), revealed his nominee for this crucial role: a DVD copy of of the 1993 hit-comedy “Cool Runnings.” The film, loosely based on the story of the 1988 Jamaican Olympic bobsled team, Trump explained, would “keep things light during this transition period” and help him, as president, “better empathize with the plight of those afflicted by color.”
As Trump made the announcement, his all-white cabinet could be seen in the background, excitedly high-fiving for having found the sure solution to racial strife in America. That being said, other responses have been more lukewarm. “Cool Runnings” director Jon Turteltaub, for example, has distanced himself from the announcement, reportedly apologizing: “I haven’t been this embarrassed since the ‘National Treasure’ sequel came out.”