PHILOSOPHY HALL – Following a National Labor Relations Board ruling that granted graduate students the right to unionize, the Graduate Workers at Columbia (GWC) union immediately tackled the largest threat to graduate students’ working conditions: undergraduates’ obnoxious questions.
GWC battled the deepest bowels of the Columbia administration in hours of grueling talks on Wednesday, winning major concessions.
Under the agreement reached in the negotiations, questions that are transparent ploys to flaunt knowledge of subject matter will promptly result in a failing grade. Additionally, no TA needs to respond to more than five questions per day whose answers can be found directly on the syllabus. Columbia also guaranteed GWC that any undergraduate email containing the word “problematic” will be deleted by a spam filter.
In a surprising demonstration of its clout, GWC even managed to extract an extra lavish perk from the administration. Effective September 6th, any undergraduate who attempts to quibble over a problem set grade will be placed on a publicly available blacklist and barred campus-wide from attending office hours.
According to current rumors, GWC’s next fight will be to prohibit students from attempting to seduce TAs unless they are above a 7.