ARLINGTON, VA – Having succumbed to a fatal Trump insult, the Jeb Bush campaign was laid to rest on Sunday in Arlington National Cemetery after several months of unnoticed service to the country.
“I have to say, I think the campaign gained some charisma overnight,” said Donald Trump, Jeb!’s former Republican rival, after learning of the campaign’s passing. “Jeb is a very nice man, but the funeral ceremony of close family and friends was probably the largest crowd the man ever attracted.”
In a statement released on Saturday evening, former President George H.W. Bush affirmed that he was proud of the campaign’s accomplishments – including not initiating a disastrous invasion of Iraq, failing to preside over the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression, and maintaining a moderate level of grammatical correctness. “I could only wish that all of my children were like Jeb.”