Contract Negotiation Protests Make Elf Union Delay Christmas

Screen Shot 2015-12-22 at 6.21.51 PM.png

Protesting the injustices of Santa’s workshop, the United Christmas Workers Union has decided to press on with its strike.  Having unionized for better working conditions, elves are demanding that the North Pole administration address a variety of pertinent issues.  Mr. Mittens, head of the Union, warns that if conditions don’t change soon, Christmas will be delayed if not cancelled.

The following demands are included in a statement provided by the Union:

  • Non-Western candies be introduced in the North Pole to acknowledge European candies’ historical Christmas hegemony
  • Elves earn fifteen candy canes per hour — a living wage.
  • Multicultural Santa
  • Santa divest from the high fructose corn syrup industry, which, though buoyed by government corn subsidies, is steadily destroying public health and the environment.
  • Justice for Palestine

Help end Santa’s war on socially just Christmas: boycott oppressive Christmas and go to a Chinese restaurant.  Or just celebrate Festivus.