Angry Barnard Students Burn Down Frat Row

The perpetrators: Facebook photos proved to be damning evidence

The perpetrators: Facebook photos proved to be damning evidence

BARNARD COLLEGE — In response to a recent frat initiation on the Barnard College campus, angry Barnard students decided to retaliate and burn down Frat Row, a move that many have applauded.

“You know, it’s not fair. Why do these Columbia guys think they can just come to our campus and disrupt our peace in the middle of the night without any repercussions? I deplore violence in all forms — but cathartic, patriarchy-consuming flames produce net peace instead of perpetuating a culture of sexual violence, ” says Barnard freshman Kelly Jane.

In the wake of this retaliation, the Columbia campus is said to be more resilient than ever.

“All we really wanted to do was make an empowered statement about feminism!” said Allyson Smith, BC ‘19. Smith, along with Chelsea Key, BC ’18, planned the attack right after the frat’s disturbance on campus, by gathering eager first-years in both Barnard and Columbia.

“It was easy. I made a Doodle to figure out when our schedules aligned, and the rest is history!” exclaimed Smith.

“We did it for feminism. There is a lot of controversy around the term feminism, but I think women have progressed as a sex. Burning down the frat houses attests to our agency,” added Key yesterday at a correctional facility.

There is no confirmation yet on rumors that the students plan to burn down the sororities for reinforcing normative gender roles.