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Raistala Ronpeas

On Campus

SEAS First-Year Belatedly Realizes NSOP Icebreakers Final Female Contact Until Graduation

by Raistala Ronpeas
October 26, 2017November 5, 2021

"For now, Gilmore can only wonder and wait, alert for that fateful moment when, four years hence, his sex life will coincidentally blossom following a job offer at Facebook."…

On Campus

Tight CCSC Race Between Idealism, Fascism, Alcoholism

by Raistala Ronpeas
September 21, 2016November 6, 2021

Emma Berusch's CCSC campaign initially claimed that she "overheated" at the Delta Sig mixer.…

On Campus

BDS Member Drops Out of Columbia, Joins Hezbollah

by Raistala Ronpeas
April 24, 2016November 11, 2021

He was even able to rewrite his C.V. at the militant group’s Centre for Career Education, which was significantly more helpful than Columbia's.…

On Campus

Columbia Varsity Squash Team Celebrates Annual Harvest Sacrifice

by Raistala Ronpeas
April 7, 2016November 13, 2021

The ritualistic bloodletting is designed to appease the god of agriculture, Freyr, as well as the Lacoste promotions department.…

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