Spooky Dookie! Ranking Bathrooms Based on Where You’re Most Likely to See Something Scary

It’s Halloween season and campus is as scary as ever. From the devilish decorations in our dining halls to vague attempts by RAs to be “festive,” the spooky feeling is spreading. Yet at this time of year the mundane can send shivers down one’s spine—especially in our bathrooms. We’re doing our journalistic duty by ranking campus potties by their fear factors. 

#5: Havemeyer. This old classic of a building has many secrets tucked away, one of which being the notoriously hard to find bathrooms. If you do manage to find your way to the restroom, expect scary sights even Spider-Man would fear. 

#4: Milbank. The layout of this accursed building is responsible for at least 25 architecture majors switching fields every semester. Bathroom stalls swinging into each other, mirrors that capture solely side angles, and stall gaps that a gripper could easily get through make Milbank a living nightmare for the architectonic mind. 

#3: Uris. These bathrooms see incredibly high-traffic volumes, not to mention their proximity to the career center (inspiring many career-anxiety accidents). Despite recent renovations, the ghost of bathrooms-past remains unexorcised. 

#2: Butler. Sight. Smell. Touch. On all accounts these bathrooms take the toilet cake for horror. Only one can contend with the beast. 

#1: Pupin. When SEAS students who haven’t thought about hygiene this decade meet the building at the origins of the nuclear bomb, one can expect some serious waste; but Pupin has continued to defy expectations. These bathrooms are horrific and were actually removed from the initial script of Saw,as the writers thought them too cruel and unrealistic to include in the movie. Pupin holds the number one on our list—just as you should also hold your number one if you find yourself in need of a bathroom after a physics lecture.

Our top five of shame is now complete. Stay safe in our bathrooms and remember, ghosts can drop presents but not flush or wipe 🙁