MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS––After dropping a whopping 58 points on its most recent inspection by the NYC health commissioner, Remy Koronet (the owner of the beloved local pizza joint Koronet Pizza) has decided not to uncover a grade for this semester. “I’ve been waiting to use my P/D/F option since freshman year, when I took over the family business from uncle Jerry,” said Remy, still busy filling holes in the walls with dough. “So having consulted our advisor in the Italian Department, I decided this was the perfect time to do so,” he added, “it really makes me appreciate the culinary risks Columbia allows us to take during our time here.”
Remy’s decision was received positively by other owners of local joints. Mr. Wu and Mrs. Nussbaum said, “We’ve had our share of problems in the health department so we get it: sometimes life gets in the way, you just have to cut yourself some slack. Plus, now they won’t bring the GPA of our whole neighborhood down with them.”
At 2 AM the following day, students were seen lining up in front of Koronet’s, “to get their slices before the rats eat them all.”
