BREAKING: RNC Changes to Fully In-Person After Speakers Can’t Figure Out Zoom

The RNC, which was supposed to have a strong virtual component and limited on site activity in Charlotte, has transitioned from hybrid to fully in person. The decision was made after multiple speakers such as Sen. Mitch McConnell and Vice President Mike Pence declared that using technology was impeding their ability to deliver their remarks in person.

“They wanted me to use a green screen. Everyone knows I’m afraid of all the colors of the rainbow,” Vice President Pence explained. 

Sen. McConnell echoed the sentiment, adding, “Technology is fraudulent. Say you were to go through my search history, you will see it looks as if I searched ‘How To Get Obamacare.’ If I knew how to clear my search history, I would get rid of that obamination.”

Despite the bump in the road, the RNC is optimistic that the in person convention will be a safe experience. “Look at how many empty seats there were at his Tulsa rally. There won’t be enough people to break social distancing guidelines everyone seems to be making a fuss about,” Chairwoman Ronna McDaniel told the press. 

While the majority of the convention will be in-person, there will still be one virtual speech by a former member of the White House Staff who the RNC is keeping a surprise. The only hint that they gave was that the person would be livestreaming from their jail cell.