Columbia Tours Neglect to Mention Best Spots on Campus to Rail a Fat Line


While Columbia campus tours are intended to give prospective students a glimpse of undergraduate academics and life, some tour guides feel that important aspects of the Columbia experience, including recommended on-campus locations to rail a fat line, are not included in the regular tour program.

“I just want to share what I love most about this school,” tour guide Adam Beckett CC ’19 said. “It’s not the competitive teacher-student ratio, the opportunities for undergraduate research, or the extensive alumni network; It’s the insane number and variety of surfaces off of which I can rail a fat fucking line at any time of day or night.”  

Prospective students are also affected by the information gap. “I guess it was fun to learn about the stone used to build Butler Library, but what I really wanted to get out of the tour was where on campus I could find the smoothest, shiniest surface to bleed a massive trail of Florida snow,”  Aaron Campbell, a junior at Fairfield Prep, said.  

“I thought it was frankly irresponsible that the tour guide failed to mention even one location in which my son could find himself bucking the wild white pony at 3:15pm on a Wednesday afternoon,” added Campbell’s father, a former McKinsey executive who fondly remembers his formative college years spent dancing the dirty tango with Lady Caine . “That was the very first stop on Aaron’s Dartmouth tour.”

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