Breaking: Some Kind of Shit Going Down On Low Steps

LOW STEPS – The Federalist has received reports of what could be a protest, a concert, a bake sale, or some other shit brewing on Low Steps, though this information cannot be confirmed at this point. Witnesses recount hoards of people gathering, hearing some amount of noise, and having only a dim notion what was happening as they made their way to class on the north side of College Walk.

“There were people holding signs, I guess,” Eric Mayer, GS’20, reported. “They seemed angry, or like they were happy. And like they were trying to sell me something. Or dismantle capitalism? It was unclear.”

“I think I heard music,” an anonymous witness claimed. “Or maybe someone shouting through a megaphone,” he added, before shrugging his shoulders and walking off unconcerned.

Students on their way to classes are advised to circumnavigate Low Beach in order to avoid the disruption or fundraiser, whatever it may be.

Additional reports will not be given as this story develops, because not one person cares.