Student Buys Second Set of Textbooks to Reserve Butler Seat

BUTLER – In order to contend for a spot in the increasingly competitive study environment of Butler Library, Renee Hansen CC ’18 purchased a second set of textbooks to reserve her seat.

“It was a little expensive,” Hansen said. “But I figured once you’re dropping 70k to get drunk and eat greasy quesadillas at JJ’s Place twice a day, what’s the harm in another thousand?”

Hansen says she also strategically positions her books in multiple locations to ensure she has a good spot. “I like to leave a couple books on the sixth floor, just in case I’m in more of an upper-floor kind of mood,” Hansen said. “Plus, I need to make sure I have a spot to study if some douche tries to move my stuff. To guarantee I have the best spots, I leave decoy spare laptops in the less desirable seats just to throw seat-stealers off.”

In times of desperation, Hansen relies on tried and true methods of nabbing seats, she said.“When all of my books have been moved, I’m not above humming to myself, chewing loudly, or letting out a tactical fart to clear some desk space,” she said.

That said, Hansen sometimes has to leave Butler to attend a final (she also stands up to sponge herself down in the third floor bathroom every other day).  On such occasions, Hansen pays her creative writing major friend $20 a day to sit in for her.  According to Hansen, he has nothing better to do.

As of press time, Hansen could be seen glumly moving her books to a different study space after another student had  strategically planted his grandmother’s ashes firmly in the middle of their table.