Columbia Backup Quarterback to Kneel During “Roar Lion Roar” to Protest Tampon Policy

Inspired by backup quarterback Colin Kaepernick’s protest against discriminatory policing, Columbia backup quarterback Anders Hongcastner CC ‘17 plans to kneel during Saturday’s game to protest a different cause: tampons.  

“I’m just fed up,” said Hongcastner.  “People hear ‘Roar Lion Roar’ and equate it with school spirit and victory over Columbia’s opponents.  But people forget that the Columbia administration is an oppressive regime, refusing to provide free tampons and sanitary napkins to students in need.”

Many of Hongcastner’s teammates are supportive of his decision, but do not plan to kneel with their (backup) leader.  “Don’t get me wrong, [Columbia President Lee] Bollinger has menstrual blood all over his hands.  But “Roar Lion Roar” is meant to be a chant of unity, one that all Columbia students regard as representing everything that makes this school great… like the Hudson valley… and Knickerbockers,” said Jermichael Christenson, backup linebacker for the Lions.  

Others felt that while the message was correct, Hongcastner was the wrong person to deliver it.  “Look at him, he only has half the X chromosomes needed to be a woman.  If someone is going to protest this obscene policy, it should be someone who is fully X chromosomed,” said Ashley Thames, captain of the cheerleading team, who said she plans to squat during ‘Roar Lion Roar” in a show of reluctant half-solidarity.