Columbia’s Most Unbearable Rejoice As “Incoming Summer Analyst” Becomes “Summer Analyst”

“I can’t believe we’re only a week away,” said Sydney Crossworth as she walked out of her Economics of Money and Banking final.  “It seems like just yesterday I was telling all of my 424 Linkedin connections that I had gotten a job at Morgan Stanley.  And now I get to tell them again!”  

As finals draw to a close, dozens of Columbia students will soon be updating their Linkedin profiles.  If the summer goes well, in three months they will be able to drop the “Summer” as well.  

“Sometimes I lay awake at night dreaming about the full-time offer.  In some dreams it’s verbal, other times sent by email.  90 grand plus bonus — Jesus man,” described Jonah Stein, an incoming summer analyst at J.P. Morgan.  In the meantime, he has kept a tab open on his computer for the past three weeks with the edited version of his Linkedin page, waiting to save the changes.  “I think I’m waiting for Jamie Dimon [the CEO of J.P. Morgan] to give me some sort of signal that it’s time.  I set up a shrine in my suite’s bathroom with a portrait of John Pierpont Morgan and a number of devotional items, including the twenty-two business cards I got while networking, my offer letter, and the free umbrella they gave me at the Faculty House info session last fall.  I’ve been lighting candles every night.  God works in mysterious ways I guess.”  

For other analysts, the Linkedin is the easy part.  “Yeah I mean obviously I’ll update the Linkedin, but how am I gonna tell the 894 friends I have on Facebook who aren’t in my Linkedin network that I’m making more money than them this summer?” asked Jessica Stevens, presumably rhetorically.  “I’m thinking on day one I’ll take a picture with the Goldman logo on the front of the building.  Caption it: ‘Thank you to Goldman Sachs for the opportunity!’ or ‘So excited to be working for Goldman Sachs this summer!’” she added, sighing audibly.  “I knew this job would be tough but this has really been challenging for me.”