As the housing selection dates approach, the Fed would like to offer its very own reviews of Columbia residences. Previous coverage of housing options has been unsatisfactorily limited in its scope.
Location: Variable. Pick close to campus.
Nearby dorms: Variable
Stores and restaurants: Seamless
Cost: From $15/day and a few scarring, sleepless nights
· AC/Heating: Pick well.
· Kitchen: Likely to be covered in dried mayonnaise, coffee stains, and other mysterious blotches. Just pretend it’s a Jackson Pollock work and you’ll be fine.
· Lounge: Shabby couch. Don’t ask.
· Laundry: Half the kids on this campus don’t use that anyways
· Computers/Printers: Give a fake name, then swipe your host’s MacBook
· Hardwood/Carpet: If you feel itchy and find bedbug bites, it’s because you screwed this one up.
· Gym: Just go to Dodge.
· Wifi: Only an issue in Mississippi AirBnB.
· Pets: Pet rocks welcome
· Bonus: Network with young professionals, Internet landlords, serial killers
· Ranges from cabinet under the sink (4-person suite) to plush guest room single
· If you’re wealthy, it may be more comfortable to sleep in the back of an Uber all night.
· “I’ve been sleeping in a bookshelf for a month now. Sure, it’s a little uncomfortable. But I’m saving a lot of money, and, more importantly, I’m really improving my flexibility.”