Columbia’s Only Newspaper That Stole Your Airpods

Volume XXXIX • Issue 1 • October 2021

From the issue:

  • Behind the Line: A Haiku Dedicated to the Employees of JJ’s Diner

  • Claire Shipman Announces New Constitution Lighting Ceremony

  • Other funny numbers we could do:

  • ‘It Will Always Be New York or Nowhere’ Reads Sweatshirt of Girl Who Moved Here Three Months Ago

  • University Proudly Announces Tuition Increase to Fund More Emails About Tuition Increases

  • A Letter to The Man in Butler with The Wack-Ass, Foul, Hateful, Ghastly Cough

  • Trump Seen at Local YDSA Chapter Following Meeting with Zohran Mamdani

  • Cut or Uncut: Chef Mike’s Offers Exciting New Options

  • Students Unable to Access LionDine Due to Cloudflare Outage

  • I Paid A Witch So My Class Registration Would Go Well

  • LeFrak Center’s Build-A-Vagina Workshop Sparks Calls for Gender Equality, Columbia Announces ‘Dodge Dick Day’

  • Awkward! I Matched With My Professor On Marriage Pact

  • Cuomo Organizes January 6th-style Attack on Bushwick’s Basement

  • Snow at Cornell Leaves Frat Bros Stranded

  • False Alarm: Furnald Still Virgin Safe Haven

  • Barnard College Officially Shuts Down, Campus Becomes a Spirit Halloween

  • Butler Stacks Haunted by Mysterious ‘Moaning’

  • A Haiku for the Butler Library 3rd Floor Men’s Bathroom

  • “I Think Our Suite is Haunted”: Worst Roommate Ever Blames Poltergeist for Unfinished Chores

  • Majority of Finance Clubs Possessed By Demonic Entities