Jewish Pre-Frosh from Scarsdale Worried He Won’t Fit In

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Only days away from NSOP, Jacob Goldstein CC ‘21 has confided to some of his closest camp friends that he is concerned about social life at Columbia. “What if I’m so different from everyone else that I just become a pariah?” mused the potential political science major from Scarsdale. “How will I find other casual sports fans who enjoy smoking a bowl or two?”

Goldstein is now second-guessing his room decor decisions, including a poster from Animal House of John Belushi chugging Jack Daniels. “I’m not sure anyone will even get that reference,” said Goldstein, as he placed his Derek Jeter jersey neatly into his suitcase. “And is my navy blue comforter from Pottery Barn Teen going to be too gaudy?”

However, Goldstein still has one surefire way to meet people: “If people don’t think I’m cool at first, they’ll definitely like me after I show them my record player.”