In college, I couldn’t even pay a girl to have coffee with me, and now I have all these students just eying my crotch during discussion sections.
Honestly, the most annoying part is having to schedule all these office hours. All I want to do is go home to my lizard and hang out. But no! I have to stay at school after hours to talk to these overly smart students about how well they already understand the material. Trust me, whatever you have to offer will not boost your grade.
To all the students emailing me to “talk about the class,” just drop it. I’m not interested. I know I look good in this button-down shirt, that’s what adults look like.
Can you please just pay attention to what’s on the board instead of trying to imagine me naked?
I did not sign up for this objectification and commodification. What about asking me about my interests, or engaging me in a complex discussion, or bringing me coffee?
Go get your complexes sorted out in your free Furman sessions. For fuck’s sakes, let me masturbate in silence.