Brave Columbia Student Works Up the Courage to Denounce Donald Trump

FACEBOOK – Michael Goldblum CC ’19 took a bold and principled stance in a lengthy status update last Monday, explaining to his Facebook friends why he is unable to support Donald Trump.  The repudiation, which has been described as “powerful” and “a game-changer,” circulated rapidly through the McBain 3 community.

The carefully crafted treatise included insightful analysis such as “Donald Trump has no political experience” and “We need a role model in the White House.” Still, Goldblum’s most audacious assertion lay at the very end: “TL;DR: I don’t understand how anyone can vote for Trump.”

Many students are impressed by Goldblum’s mettle.  “It’s really inspiring to see someone take this kind of personal risk to stand up for their beliefs,” said Sarah Uhlman CC ‘18.

Although Goldblum initially feared that his public illustration of personal integrity would not be well-received by all, his shrewd judgment was validated by at least 34 of his Facebook friends.  “To be honest, I was pretty worried,” Goldblum admitted.  “There’s this one guy I kind of know from high school who I thought was a Republican.  But it turns out he’s just a Libertarian. Really dodged a bullet there.”

The broader impact of Goldblum’s fearlessness can already be seen in how it has energized young voters.  “You know, I wasn’t planning on voting. Nobody acknowledges how many barriers there are to voting in this country,” said John Cantor SEAS ‘19.  “I’d need to trudge from Pupin all the way  down to 112th to mail my absentee ballot.  One-twelfth But Mike’s conviction really sparked something in me.  I was like, ‘Screw it, we all need to make sacrifices.’”

Though Goldblum has yet to publicly endorsed a candidate, many are anxiously waiting to find out who he will vote for.  The sophomore has only disclosed that he is currently preparing to upload Trump’s most recent comments, captioning them with a perceptiveness reserved for professional pundits: “This is disgusting.”  As of press time, he remains unsure as to whether he should use the angry or sad face emoji.