Melania Trump Gives Hope to Plastic Objects Everywhere

NEW YORK – Seeing their accomplished fellow dominate national media this summer, plastic objects across the country have taken Melania Trump’s inspiring story to heart.  “Melania’s fame has lifted the aspirations of a generation of imported goods,” said a Chinese-manufactured travel mug working the shelf at a Midtown Starbucks.  “She is an emblem of the American Dream for the billions of non-biodegradables who come to this country every year.”

Plastic materials, which have long been denied the rights and opportunities cherished by all Americans, have new hope that their post-recycling offspring will enjoy a better product life cycle than they had.  “She made me realize my potential,” said a storage bin at the Chelsea Container Store.  “I know I’ll have to work tough jobs for years to come.  But maybe one day, I too will handle the president’s junk.”

However, Melania’s heartening rise has done little to allay many plastics’ fear of planned obsolescence.  “Donald keeps tossing away old models after a few years,” a homeless iPhone 4 case complained. “I don’t know why he always has to have the newest one.”