Trump Underwhelmed by SJP’s Apartheid Wall


Donald Trump stopped by Low Plaza Wednesday after hearing students had erected a wall on Low Plaza.

Addressing a small crowd of students next to the wall, the presidential candidate could not hide his disappointment: “Look, I’m not saying I don’t like the idea. It’s cute. I’m not Pro-Palestine, Pro-Israel whatever, I don’t know these people. No idea who they are. I don’t know what Palestine is frankly. Sounds nice, I probably have a building there. Here’s the thing though folks… this wall is, quite frankly, a real joke. It’s got three panels, I mean look at this!” Trump gestured to passing students. “You’ve got students just walking right by it. Some of them look like they might even be illegals, I have no idea. You’ve got these cut-rate border guards,” Mr. Trump gestures to the SJP members, “They’re yelling about something but no one cares what they’re saying, they’re just walking past and looking pissed.”

An SJP supporter, visibly offended, grabbed the mic from Mr. Trump. “Mr. Trump, your speech is hateful and offensive. You are not welcome on this campus.” A couple ADP members cheer loudly, looking around to make sure people see them cheering.

Trump takes the microphone back. “Are you done? Look sweetheart, I’m not here to argue with you. I can tell you want to build this wall, and I will build this wall for you. How does that sound folks?”

The ADP members look around to see if they should cheer.

“We are not trying to build a wall, you idiot! It symbolizes Israeli oppression of the Palestinian people and the efforts to keep us from our homeland!”

“Hold on, Israel built this wall to keep you out?”


“Oh boy.” Mr. Trump turns back to the audience. “Look I’m a builder. I build things, huuuuge things. I build walls to help bring people together by keeping the right people apart. I’m gonna call up these Israelis — I have lot of Israeli friends, great people, I love them — I’m gonna give them a hand. We’re going to make Israel’s wall great again!”

After the rally, a visibly exhausted ADP member told the Fed, “Look I just want to support whoever is oppressed here. It would be nice to just have these things be clear cut — oppressor/oppressed. It’s that simple! I’m going home. I don’t care anymore.”

Another student told the Fed he had been undecided before the rally: “I just came to hear what Trump had to say, and honestly… I was impressed. Israel/Palestine is one of those tough issues. He came in with an open mind and just wanted to side with the winner. I like that, I like winning. I’ve never won anything in my life.” The student sulked away.

Getting into a limo, Mr. Trump only commented, “All those names – Homer, Herodotus. Do those guys really sell condos here? You put my name on there in big letters, profits are gonna be through the roof.”