Op-Ed: To Hell With These Godforsaken New Yorkers And Their Values

By Diana Herlihy, SEAS ’19

Last Thursday, I sat down to watch the GOP Primary Debate with a ham and cheese sandwich after I had finally convinced my roommate Rebecca to take down that little decoration on our door sill. Little did I know that Sen. Ted Cruz would soon give life to the words my soul could not properly articulate. But that’s exactly what he did when he accused Trump of reveling in repugnant “New York values.”

As a freshman from Dubuque, Iowa, I’ve been searching for the term to describe my feelings towards this urban cesspool. The obsessions with bagel schmears, rye bread, and bargains are disgusting. I know I sound like one of them for complaining so much, but it’s the truth. The “New York value” system is skewed. It’s as if the people here only read the first half of a book on proper behavior, and chose to reject the rest.

The morning after the debate, the newspapers and lame stream media were up in arms about “New York values”, condemning Cruz for his spiel. That’s to be expected. We all know that New Yorkers run the media, which itself is simply the puppet of big banks, run by – you guessed it – New Yorkers. And the New Yorkers who aren’t running the media or banks can be found in any law or doctor’s office from here to Westchester. Trust me, these people have not done manual labor for at least 2000 years.

God forbid you are in need of a doctor or lawyer on Friday night. Starting then, entitled New Yorkers shut everything down for a whole day. There’s no convincing them otherwise, unless their mothers insist.

So what’s to be done? Certainly New Yorkers are in need of a cleansing, and Ted Cruz is the man for the job. Hopefully he can face that nosey [sic] prick Sanders in the general election, win, and return this city and country to its former glory.