The “Jews Control the World” Man Converts to Judaism


Point and counterpoint

Point and counterpoint

TOM’S RESTAURANT – Sitting here in a booth surrounded by the ghosts of Seinfeld on Tuesday, the “Jews Control the World” man reportedly chowed down on a Big Salad contentedly.  “A bissel of Russian dressing on the side?” he asked the waitress.

The “Jews Control the World” man, who has spent a great deal of the past year toting his namesake sign about 116th street, converted to Judaism this week following a large amount of public criticism against his anti-Semitic antics.  “People used to make such a tsimmis when I kvetched about Jews,” he said.  “Now, I get half of Hillel rolling with laughter at Shabbos dinners.”  

Though the veteran protester has become a fixture of the Broadway end of College Walk, many students will be surprised to find him absent from campus this winter.  “I’m going down to Florida,” he said.  “This cold isn’t for me.  And Morningside Heights prices? Forget about it.  Down there, I can get an early bird dinner and a senior movie ticket for $10.  That barely buys you a schtickl of cream cheese at Nussbaum.”

Having finished most of his salad and shared photographs of his grandchildren with the waitress, the “Jews Control the World” man requested that a remaining leaf of lettuce be wrapped up.  Moments after the waitress returned to the kitchen, he was spotted stuffing sweetener packets into his man purse.