Columbia’s Only Newspaper That Stole Your Airpods

Volume XXXIX • Issue 1 • October 2021

From the issue:

  • Post-Grad Tat Recs

  • “We Want What’s Best for Our Community! Therefore, We Have Demolished Our Community!” 

  • Columbia Announces 2024-2025 Academic Year Canceled, Citing Security Concerns 

  • President Shafik on Canceled Commencement Ceremony: “Fuck You Guys.”

  • Columbia Says “Fuck It,” Awards Netanyahu Honorary Doctorate

  • Columbia Announces Graduation Ceremony to Be Streamed via Drone Feed

  • Shafik and Rosenbury Expel All Current Students: “We Need to Start Fresh.”

  • Chef Mike’s Liberation Special

  • Columbia Announces Pilot Degree Program with NYPD

  • WKCR Gets Listened to for the First Time Ever

  • Oh, There She Is! Rosenbury Returns to Campus After Weekend at Coachella

  • Columbia to Establish New Chef Don’s Donut Shop for Increased NYPD Presence on Campus 

  • BREAKING: Columbia Announces New Dorm Plans to Go Into Effect for the 2024-2025 Academic Year

  • Mondel Chocolates Kept in Business by One Single Tenured Professor

  • How to Ensure the Best Registration Outcome Possible

  • Duo to Launch New In-Person Verification Method

  • Barnard College Announces Greta Gerwig as 2024 Commencement Speaker

  • Letters of Continued Interest To Be Required for Senior Cruise Hopefuls

  • Columbia Legally a Princeton Satellite Campus, Archival Documents Reveal

  • Public Safety Announces $22 Million Dollar Profit From Seized Items in Annual Room Checks