Columbia’s Only Newspaper That Stole Your Airpods

Volume XXXIX • Issue 1 • October 2021

From the issue:

  • “When We Go Low, You Go High”: Low Steps Contact Highs Lower Seasonal Depression Rates by 40 Percent

  • Chef Don Releases New Pizzas for Each College

  • An Update on the Giant Rat That Lives Under the Grate Outside Dodge Hall

  • The Most Impressive Thing About Me: I Found a Summer Sublet

  • Op-Ed: The New Diana Pizza Crust Has Made Me Happy to Be Gluten-Free

  • Columbia Dining Sues the State of New Jersey for Complete Ownership of “Mike’s Subs”

  • Compensating for JJ’s New 24-Hour Opening, All Other Dining Halls Close Permanently

  • Columbia’s Popular Abbreviation “Clumb” to Become University’s Official Name

  • In Honor of Mary Boyce Stepping Down as Provost, Here Are Five People Who Managed to Hate Unions More Than Her

  • New Housing Options for People Left Out of the Friend Group

  • Ferris Dining Hall No Longer Serving Desserts, Case Purely for Display

  • Admin Responds to Student Complaints About the Housing Process: “Who Asked?”

  • Columbia University Announces Plans to Convert Low Library into Luxury Apartments

  • Summer Internship Score! My Elderly Neighbor Is Paying Me $20 to Mow His Lawn

  • 15 Things to Name Your Borg for Bacchanal

  • Looks Like Your Suitemate Also Didn’t Have Any Plans Over Spring Break

  • BREAKING: Columbia Announces New Housing Options for the 2023-2024 School Year

  • Columbia Student Newspapers Investigate New Distribution Methods

  • April Fools’ Day Moved to April 31

  • Bacchanal’s 48-Hour Prior COVID Testing Policy Prevents Hundreds of Students From Attending