Columbia’s Only Newspaper That Stole Your Airpods

Volume XXXIX • Issue 1 • October 2021

From the issue:

  • Mary C. Boyce Announces She Thought “The Strike” Was about Bowling This Whole Time

  • QUIZ: Which Columbia University Disaster Are You?

  • Heartwarming: Carlton Resident Adopted by Family of Rats

  • “A Cappella is So Lame” Says Three-Time A Cappella Reject

  • Econ Major Acts on His New Year’s Resolution to “Give to The Less Fortunate” by Giving Every Woman He Sees a Dollar

  • The Fed’s Odes to Winter Accessories

  • FED EXCLUSIVE: Al Gore Apologizes for Inventing Global Warming, but Won’t Turn it Off

  • Canada Goose Secret Society Plotting to Eradicate North Face Proletariat

  • “It was all about networking,” 10 Tips from an Incoming Banker With Two Parents at Goldman

  • 10 Ways To Feel the Honda Day Spirit Without a Car in the City

  • Exclusive: Auguste Rodin Reveals “The Thinker” Is Just Constipated

  • Op-Ed: Not Enough People Here Know I Was My High School’s Valedictorian

  • “We’ll Just Kill You if You Don’t”- Butler Librarians Crack Down on Mask Wearing

  • COVID Testing of Wastewater Finds Nerd Dorm Furnald Also Drug Free

  • Horse Adderall “Way Better” than Person Adderall, says Columbia First-Year

  • To Promote Mental Health Ahead of Finals, Columbia Adds Daily Affirmations to the ReopenCu App

  • No, I did not attend Philips Exeter, I Own a Philips Lightbox

  • “This Ferris lunch line is really not making headway” Says Undergrad, Accidentally Joining strike

  • REPORT: Ninety Percent of Discussion Post Just Personal Anecdote

  • Manchin, Sinema Hired To Negotiate with Union on Behalf of University