Columbia’s Only Newspaper That Stole Your Airpods

Volume XXXIX • Issue 1 • October 2021

From the issue:

  • BREAKING: People Who Got “POV: indie” on Spotify Wrapped to Hold Campus Social Celebrating Unique Taste

  • Report: You Are in the Top 1% of Spotify Listeners With Absolutely Trash Taste

  • An Open Letter to Columbia Admissions: PRIORITIZE FURRY APPLICANTS!

  • NYC Faces City-Wide Shortage of Barefoot Moscato due to Unprecedented Spike in Friendsgiving Parties

  • Move Over Friendsgiving, There’s A New Sheriff in Town: EnemiesGiving

  • Columbia Announces New Gate Policy: Visitors Must Solve a Troll’s Three Riddles in Lieu of Showing CUIDs

  • New Report Shows Rep. George Santos Also Used Campaign Funds to Sponsor Barnard Big Sub Day

  • Chef Mike Opens ‘Chef Mike Bike’ Right Next to Fac Shack

  • “Actually, We Reserved This Room,” Say Seventeen Students Simultaneously

  • Philosophy Major’s Guide to the Stupidest Questions to Ask a Philosophy Major

  • Top 5 Spookiest Columbia Halloween Costumes

  • Fed/CounterFed: The Fac Shack is the Coolest Shack on Campus

  • BooOOOo! A Spooky Ghoul Moved All Your Course Books to Book Culture on 114th

  • Alert

  • Texting in Class? These Nosy Little Ghouls May Just Change Your Mind!

  • A List of Reasons Why the Columbia Federalist and the FEDERAL RESERVE are NOT THE SAME

  • “Dude, My Social Media is Gonna Make Me Unelectable” says PolSci Student Who Will Spend 40 Years of Her Life as an Unelected Official Anyways

  • Fed / Counter-Fed

  • Barnard’s Late-Night Dining Hall Renamed “VaJayJay’s”

  • Petition for Roaree to Wear a Little Pumpkin Costume for Halloween