Dos Toros to Become Uno Toro after Selling One of Its Two Bulls to Stay Afloat
By Matt Nola and Nikhil Mehta
As an ailing economy and the global COVID-19 pandemic is forcing a number of businesses to close and furlough employees, Dos Toros Taqueria has taken a rather different approach, announcing this week that it would be parting ways with one of its eponymous “toros” to make ends meet.
The decision follows the recent but long-awaited opening of its Morningside Heights location earlier this semester. The taqueria chain’s CEO, Michael James, spoke with The Federalist, saying, “After establishing such a presence on Columbia’s campus for a good week or two, it’s a shame that we have to change our name. It’s a bit of an identity crisis, honestly—for both us and the bulls.” James followed up: “It was the only way we could continue to pay our workforce. Rest assured, however, that a portion of the ‘toro’ will make its way into your burritos when we reopen.”
Many customers were extremely distraught over this decision. Bobby Miller CC’20 remarked to the Fed via Zoom, “What the fuck do I care?”
A statement posted on the Dos Toros website updated loyal patrons on the evolving situation: “Our other toro has become quite lonely and scared of the virus. We can assure all of our loyal customers that it has been living in isolation as per CDC guidelines—after all, we don’t want to become ‘No Toros!’”
As of press time, Chipotle, not to be outdone, issued a competing statement announcing that they will be donating their entire supply of corn chips and will now be simply known as “Otle.”