The Fed’s Top Holiday Men Who Would Treat You Right

 The Federalist’s Top Holiday Men Who Would Treat You Right

By Lauren Unterberger, chug a choo-choo


Here at The Federalist, we know that the real fun of Christmastime isn’t about the birth of Jesus Christ: it’s about other holiday hunks. To get into the holiday spirit, The Federalist has compiled a list of the sexiest studs from your favorite holiday movies to meet under the mistletoe. Without further ado, here are The Federalist’s Top Holiday Men who would treat you right:

  1. The Train Conductor from The Polar Express*

The mustache! 

He owns his own vehicle for transportation (The Fed don’t want no scrubs).

He only works one night a year, so date night is never canceled because of a “work thing.” 

He has the velvety pipes of Tom Hanks.

He always has a watch on him so he’s never late for something, due to a “work thing.”

He’s middle-ish age and still has all of his hair (especially in the mustache region).

He puts the “hot” in hot chocolate.

He’s a figure of authority.

*Okay, yes, there is only one name on the list, but that’s because only one name deserves to be on this list. No one else is as sensual, self-assured, and stache-ed as this animated beefcake. Who would you suggest? Buddy the Elf? No mustache, no thanks. The Grinch? Yes, he’s covered in hair, but it’s not defined enough to be counted as a mustache.**

**I think I’m learning a lot about my sexuality. Thanks, The Federalist.