Ten Ways to Respond When Someone Asks You What’s New over Zoom and Nothing Is New

Ten Ways to Respond When Someone Asks You What’s New over Zoom and Nothing Is New

By Julia Schreder


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Experts say that with the world in self-isolation, people are actually calling each other for the first time in years. But with phone calls comes the eternally feared question: What’s new with you? When absolutely nothing is new in your life, here are some answers you can use to fool everyone into thinking that you are making the most of your quarantine experience. 

  1. “I’ve been really working on myself. You know, self-love.” 

    • The beautiful thing about this one lies in its vagueness. Working on yourself? That could mean anything from finishing all four seasons of Rick and Morty to taking up meditation. It’s not even technically a lie. 

  2. “I’m using this time to reconnect with nature.”

    • Yeah, on Club Penguin, but what’s the difference?

  3. “I’m reading the entire Shakespeare catalog chronologically.”

    • For those who continue to feel the need to flex their overachiever status, even in the time of quarantine. This really says, “Yeah, I’m smarter and more productive than you.”

  4. “I’ve lost 20 pounds. I look so hot. Too bad my camera isn’t working :/” 

    • THEY WILL NEVER KNOW!!!!

  5. “I’ve been writing my thesis.” 

    • Use this one, especially if you are not a senior and if you are not writing a thesis. Everyone will be really impressed by the initiative that you are taking. 

  6. “I’ve been working on my cooking skills.”

    • Oreo and Cheeto salad counts, right?

  7. “I had such a wild dream last night. I was outside . . .”

    • Ok, cool it on that one. Now you’re starting to sound a little crazy. You don’t need everyone to know the extent of your insanity. 

  8. “I’ve been watching some classic movies.”

    • Another good way to sound smart even if all you’ve done is binge David Dobrik vlogs.  

  9. “I cut my toenails yesterday.”

    • This is an excellent one to actually do because it makes you sound like you’re continuing to keep up your physical appearance, but actually requires no effort whatsoever.

  10. “I’ve been a bit under the weather.” 

    • This is good because it’s a tried and true excuse for nothing being new. Explain away all the time you’ve been spending in your bed with a cough and mild fever. Don’t worry, there is absolutely no stigma to being ill right now at all . . .