Awkward: Professor Zoom-ing into Class from Same Resort in Cabo as Student
By Gustie Owens
CABO, MEXICO –– After a Columbia University affiliate came into direct contact with Coronavirus, community members made the shift to online learning for the remainder of the semester. Yet not everyone seems to be taking on this new challenge with the same vigor. Columbia College sophomore William Anderson reported seeing his Econometrics instructor, Professor John Langstone, logging into Courseworks poolside in Cabo.
“I even saw him pour his Pina Colada into an EcoReps Nalgene before beginning class––he claimed it was Emergen-C,” Anderson said. “He then kissed some girl in a bikini, slipped on a sweater over his bare chest and opened the class by apologizing for his voice being horse from ‘being sick.’ I saw him doing karaoke with a big group of girls last night!”
Anderson sat through the whole class, pretending to take notes while he watched Langstone out of the corner of his eye getting room service delivered to the pool just out of camera shot.
Anderson says he is yet to speak to Langstone, but has seen him downing bloody marys at 11 in the morning at the hotel bar, doing body shots off of a UConn sorority girl, and had a near run-in as Langstone was slipping out of someone’s room in nothing but a banana hammock. “I was sort of shocked by what a smokin’ bod he has,” Anderson commented with a slight smile.
In an exclusive Zoom interview with Langstone, he defended his decision to travel to Cabo, stating “Bitch, do you think I want to be in New York either? I paid 180,00 a year to live in that hell hole. This is the only thing I have to look forward to.”
At press time, Langstone was doing a keg stand with some students from SDSU while Anderson was still waiting to finish the mandatory safety brief for his first online snorkeling class.