Dearest Spectador Spectators,
GOTCHA! It’s us, your favorite Feditors-in-Chief, bamboozling the public one final time as our iron-fisted rein comes to a close. But this will be no Punk’d with Ashton Kutcher. We humbly proffer this compendium of comedy: written, edited, and illustrated by our very own team of satirical zealots.
This is our last issue as Feditors-in-Chief, and we can honestly say that we are so proud of the ways in which this club has adapted and grown in these unprecedented times, even in a virtual environment. I know we are usually gut-bustingly irreverent, but today we have some authentic thank yous to dispense to our team, just as Columbia dining doled out t-shirts in the days of yore.
Topsy-turviness of this year aside, we have been genuinely buoyed by the humor, talent, and radiant spirits of our community here at The Federalist. That includes you, too, dear reader, so without further ado, we offer a tidal wave of appreciation.
Thank you to our fearless Head Submissions Editors, Amelia and Nikhil, for ensuring that our publication is respectable, if not always respectful. You built us a website, you built us content flow spreadsheets, you trained our editors and did the editing, and, most of all, you inspired us all with your blossoming friendship and Nike Run Club races.
To Gustie and Nury, our Managing Editors and administrative and financial czars respectively, you have organized The Fed into a formidable and loving little militia. From implementing the mentorship program, to bringing in our first-ever professional visiting comedians, to launching NemesisMatch and helping us find those people on campus that we never want to meet, your initiatives have ushered in a brand that we are proud to claim—thank you.
To Matt, Jayne, and Zach, our Copy, Layout, and Graphics Editors—thank you for giving us your all (quite a lot of all it is!) when it comes to implementing your new ideas and picking up our slack. You have single-handedly grown and managed your teams and projects, adding both zest and polish to The Federalist in abundance.
Thank you to all of the underclassmen who have put their faith in our club this year; we know that we may be your only tenuous connection to campus, and that is not something we take lightly. You’ve brought fresh perspectives, fresh platforms—looking at you, TikTok team—fresh jokes, and astonishing wit to our publication, and for that, we are truly appreciative.
Finally, thank you, dear reader. Your all-consuming eyes are the reason we stage this whole circus, and your laughs keep us going. To that point—we have very far to go. As The Fed continues to grow into its role on campus and beyond, we thank you for accompanying us on our journey toward punch-up comedy and good-old-fashioned PrezBo jokes.
We would like to extend an honorable mention thank you to all of the administrators at Barnumbia for both inspiring content and putting up with that content. Thank you, whoever is in charge of erecting dozens of useless tents. Thank you Water Bottle Man. Thank you, Barnard students carrying tote bags, SEAS students programming breadboards, CC Iliad-referencers, and GS students with impeccable beards. We love you all.
Peace, Love, Send This Issue to News Networks to Start Some Drama,