Letter from a Sig-Nu Brother

Letter from a Sig-Nu Brother

By Anonymous


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The following is an email from the listserv, “The Delta Gamma Chapter of the Sigma Nu Fraternity at Columbia University,” obtained by The Federalist:

To: ‘Columbia Sig Nu’ <ColumbiaSigNu@googlegroups.com>
From: ‘Sean Mellow’ <coolman6969@yahoo.com>
Subject: [Sig Nu Listserv] IT’S RONA SEASON BOYS

Dear Broskis,

It’s rona season, boys!!!! Yeah, you heard me right. It’s time to check your dicks and get ready to get down cause we’re goin HARD. FULL SENDS ONLY. You might have seen it on CNN or Fox (I watch MSNBC for that sweet sweet Mika action. MILF ALERT!), the whole nation is getting down to RONA. Yeah, you heard that right, it’s time to SELL SELL SELL all that claw, Murica’s back on the rona train baby! All people keep talking about is that sweet, sweet My Corona. So here’s what’s bouncing around in the old brain cage broksis: since a lot of y’all’s big Italian trip or whatever got canceled, I’m thinking we take a trip down to old Meh-he-co. CABO BABY! Yeah you read that right boyz, just some beach, some babes, and some cases of rona. 

Now I know a lot of you have seen me hacking, and I want to put that shit to bed (like social from our last mixer): it’s just too much JUUL. Yeah, I know, JUUL is dead, but I tried to suorin and that shit just hits different. OK, so I’m back to fiending, whatever. But yeah I might be hitting that a little too hard (also like the social from that mixer), but baby I aint stopping!

This is my O-FISH-ALL announcement for the Cabo San Loco spring break trip. IDK why but flights are hella cheap and we can even cop first class with my dad’s sapphire card. So book a room and let’s get it: RONA!

Also, btw broskis, bit of bad news. That social from the mixer the other night, her parents went to CPAC and now they’re hella sick or something, idk. So like keep them in your thoughts or whatever idk what am I, god? Thots and prayers boisss.

FUSPPPPRRRRRINGGGG BREEEEAAAAAKKKK!!!!

Fraternally yours,
Sean “The Dong” Mellow
New Member Educator